Paying Attention

Paying attention is important for mindfulness, mothering, and chronic illness! I have been "exploring" this in my life....what happens when I really pay attention, especially at this point in time, to my body and my illness. This has not been easy, because truly paying attention means I may need to rest, gulp, at 12 in the afternoon! Yesterday, I was determined to act accordingly. When I knew that I needed to rest, I told myself that I would have to remain in bed for an hour, and without guilt. I actually fell asleep for a short time, and then continued to rest in bed. The wonderful result was that I was able to enjoy the evening with my family (back to priorities and values!). Instead of forcing myself through, I casually enjoyed bike riding with Ava and a bath with her. May sound small, but to me, the ability to be present and engaged with her is so important.

Another thing I have been working on with this... In the book, being zen, Ezra Bayda writes: "An old Zen line says, "On a withered tree, a flower blooms." We often think that being healed means the illness and pain will go away. But healing does not necessarily mean that the physical body will mend, any more than a withered tree will become young again. Healing is not just about physical symptoms. Many people heal and still remain physically sick or even die. Many who become physically well never really heal. Healing involves clearing the pathway to the open heart-the heart that knows only connectedness.When we experience this openness, the flower blooms regardless of what happens to our body."

The part that stays with me: "Healing involves clearing the pathway to the open heart...the heart that knows only connectedness."