Living a Life of Values

As I was reading this morning, a statement stood out to me: What is it that you wake up every morning to do? In the course of trying to cope with my illness, I looked back at old journals I had. I have really had the same three values for a very long time: family, health, and spirituality. Repeatedly over the years I have written these three words. I have devoted time and energy to these key values, even when I struggled with infertility and worked to find a way to create and sustain a baby! And now, as I face significant identity loss in my work, I return again to my three key values. My family. My health. And my spirituality.

First, my spirituality. I meditate twice a day. I continually strive to grow spiritually. I am learning how to serve something larger than myself. This is definitely my foundation. In fact, I think about it most of the time. I read mostly spiritual books, Eastern wisdom sources these days. My husband is my comrade with me in this, and we place a strong value on this in our family life. We are heading to a family meditation, yoga, and arts weekend tomorrow. We are Sangha members of the Eldorado Yoga Mountain ashram outside of Boulder, CO. We practice meditation, a yogic way of life, and devotion.

My family. Being a mother is a central in my life. I strive to be present, engaged, available, and mindful with my daughter. She has a lot of energy, so I have to save mine to be with her! My illness challenges me here. This is where I have had to choose priorities. For example, when I was working full-time, my energy had to go to my job and my health. That was all I could sustain. However, my daughter and husband were such a strong motivator to change the course of my life, to veer off my track and JUMP. I completed an obituary exercise not too long ago. The exercise where you write what you want your obituary to say and what you don't. I did not want my obituary to say that I was strung out, tired, and depleted all the time! I wanted it to say that I lived a life of love that was full of joy! SO, back to acceptance. My bucket has a certain amount of water in it. I need to carefully discern what I use my water for. Some people may have larger buckets, but I need to honor and respect my own. Thus, I always keep my values in mind: family, health, and spirituality. This is what I want to serve.

My health is probably already apparent. I have to place a priority on this, or else it shouts and screams and forces me down! This has not been an easy one for me. My mind and body have been battling. My mind says "You can do it all!" My body says "What are you doing to me?" I have been learning to respect the limits of my body, while also being as proactive as I can to help my body out. A work in progress...

So if I live according to my three values, I am amazed at how joyful I can feel. It is like joy bubbles up in spite of everything. This is not to say it is smooth, but it really helps me stay strong and happy.